How’s PEOPLE PLEASING working for you? (Day 234)
Posted by LaKisha DeVoe Riddick on Dec 11th, 2015
Are you a people pleaser? Someone who is a superhero to others; leaping tall buildings in a single bound? Someone who gets satisfaction from ALWAYS pleasing others? Someone who lives to do the right thing for other people? Someone who’s purpose is to make someone else happy? Someone who chooses their words and actions carefully to NEVER offend others? How’s people pleasing working for you?
As a recovering people pleaser, I can tell you that it didn’t work well for me, AT ALL! The more I sought to please others, the less satisfaction I received. The more I lived to do the right thing for others, the less I did the right thing for myself. The more I made it my purpose to make someone else happy, the less I was happy. The more I chose my words and actions carefully to never offend others, the less I was true to myself. People pleasing created a prison for me. And I was the only one who had the key to my freedom.
How has people pleasing affected my weight issues? I believe this fueled my weight gain. The root causes of my weight gain were rejection, low self-esteem and lack of faith. By people pleasing, I was searching for acceptance, worth and faith in others. I needed other people to validate me. But this was short-lived. No one else can make me feel accepted, worthy or faithful. Only God can validate me. Only I can receive and know my worth!
After restarting my weight loss journey of transformation, I did discover that I matter! I had the goods all along because God created me to be His masterpiece. I AM the apple of His eye! I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I know this, but sometimes still struggle believing it. It is truly a process. I am grateful that I’ve been able to release the weights of rejection, low self-esteem and lack of faith to begin the process of releasing the physical pounds.
I can’t be the source of another person’s happiness. Yes, I can inspire, support and encourage others. But I’m no good to anyone else when I don’t know how to please myself; work on my own happiness. Here are some tips that I’m practicing to help me stop being a people pleaser:
1. Know Yourself
When I doubt who I am, I go back to my Creator for validation. I find scriptures where God declares in His word who I am. Some of my favorite scriptures are:
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”~Ephesians 2:10 NLT
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.”~Psalm 139:14 NASB
2. Be Yourself
There is a gap between KNOWING and BEING. How do you bridge the gap? Once you know yourself, then you should take action based on those beliefs. If I believe that I am worthy, then I do things that add value. I don’t do things that detract from my worth. When I know myself, I can be true to myself even when it is contrary to public opinion and others. I don’t have to send a “representative” to others. I can stand in my truth and be authentic with others. Asking God to help me lose the weights using my faith AND my work has been challenging. This is not a traditional method of weight loss. It’s difficult to explain to others. So I must fight the “people pleasing” urges to go back to the familiar. By knowing myself and believing my worth, I can hold on to my purpose. God is the one who gave me my purpose. So I’ll let Him be my advocate and guide me on my journey.
3. “Get you some business”
A girlfriend gave me this advice and it’s been one of the best gems of wisdom I’ve received! When I find myself worrying about what other people are thinking or doing, she told me to “Get you some business!” In other words, worry about yourself! Find things that you should be working on towards your goals and purpose. When you’re consumed with your own goals and purpose, you won’t have time to worry about pleasing others. Your priority is to work on yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Working on my health and fitness goals has definitely decreased my “people pleasing” actions. My business of taking care of myself is priority. (Note: I am working on finding a balance on this journey. I don’t want to be so laser-focused on my goals that I’ve isolated myself and have no one to celebrate with.)
4. Go where you’re celebrated!
A blog post “Who claps when you win? Pay attention.” by love, Katondra went viral after the Emmy’s. Katondra discussed how Taraji P Henson celebrated the wins for Regina King and Viola Davis. Although Taraji didn’t win, she was genuinely supportive of her friends’ wins. This type of friendship is a treasure. Often times, the people we are trying to please are not truly our friends. The “people pleasing” nature causes us to focus on who doesn’t show up. We focus on the negative, because we don’t think we’re worthy of the support. We don’t think we’re valuable to be celebrated. Then we work overtime trying to please these people more. But when we remove that veil of “people pleasing” we see who is truly there for us. True friends will edify you. They will celebrate you where you are . True friends will cheer you along the way until you reach your goals. We were never created to be isolated, but to be in relationship with others. We must know our self-worth so we can have and maintain healthy relationships.
How’s PEOPLE PLEASING working for you?
Here’s my food journal from 12/10. I didn’t eat breakfast. I didn’t have my traditional breakfast foods on deck. But I could have eaten something else. I need to work with what I have. My knee is still hurting. So I’m still doing low impact workouts until my knee is back to 100%. Today, I did the 30 minute Power Walk video.
I am a wife and mother of 3 beautiful children. I am also the creator and Radio Talk Show Host of the online talk show Share My World Show where I share my journey of transformation to inspire and encourage others to begin their own transformation.
Thank you for following my journey! If you would like to connect, please follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube.
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